I want to speak a moment in hope to bring clarification to words people sometimes say when tragic situations happen (knowing that they are trying to be supportive and comforting).
Sometimes, people will use words like "God must have needed them" or "God had a special task he needed them for" when talking about people who have died from tragic events (and sometimes non-tragic events). When I hear these words (knowing that they are spoken out of love) I cringe. You see, to say that God needed them gives us the right to blame God for what happened. It is God's fault. Because if God didn’t need them then they would still be alive. Do you follow? Now God is God. God doesn’t need anyone. God is all powerful, knowing, and loving. To say he needs something or someone means he is not all powerful, that he lacks something. But God lacks nothing. Yes, there are angels in heaven and God created angels, but he didn't create angels because he needed them, but because he wanted to. Be careful of the words you use when you share with families who are grieving. Dont' say things like God must have needed them. This would just make me more upset with God for what happened. Do you understand? This was a tragedy, not caused by God, but caused by man. God’s heart is broken over this as well. So let us not use words that allow people to blame God. Let us use words that are truthful...."I can't imagine what you are going through, but I pray that God will comfort you and heal your heart...and know that I love you and am here for you." Say, "I am truly sorry for what happened and I will pray for you"...that is if you really mean it. Don't use words also like..."I know what you are going through"....no you don't. Just be truthful. Be a friend. Let them know they can cry on your shoulder. Give them a hug and say nothing. Sometimes these things are the best things a person can do.
After 19 years of ministry and to many funerals to count, I have heard people say some of the strangest things at funerals that, knowing they are trying to mean well, really don't help. Maybe I will write a short book someday on things to say at a funeral. Until then, hug, cry, let people know you are sorry, but don't blame God for everything that happens.
You many not agree with all I say and that is okay. I would love to hear your comments. You can click on the comment button below.
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